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Need your jokes!

February 28, 2011

Henry is quickly approaching his "100th Day of School." He has been given the homework assignment of gluing 100 of 'something' onto a large piece of red posterboard. After much contemplation, he's decided to go with 100 jokes. We desperately need YOUR help, blogland! Homework is due on Tuesday- yikes!! Because Henry was out sick last week we are getting a major late start on this so if you could spare a joke, or two, or three- you'd sure make a 5 year old pleased as punch. Once we have all the jokes, we'll print them out & Henry will paste them to the posterboard.

Feel free to make up your own jokes like Chris & Henry do:

Q: In the Empire Strikes Back, what do the Rebels drink on the Ice Planet of Hoth?
A: Hoth Chocolate

Q: What kind of pizza does Jaba the Hut like?
A: Pizza the Hut

May the force be with you!!

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou!!

We did it (and in our mad rush out the door this morning I completely forgot to snap a picture!)

Posted in Uncategorized

50 responses to “Need your jokes!”

Mish

February 28, 2011

I read this one today…
How do you catch a “Unique” Bird?……
give Up?………………
“Unique” up on it…
Good luck Henry x

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Katie

February 28, 2011

When I was in grade 1, waaaaaaaay back in the 70’s, our librarian told us this joke;
If you are trapped inside an elephant, how do you get out?
Keep running around, until you get pooped out.
Have fun on 100 day!

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The ‘Chard

February 28, 2011

Where did the Queen hide her army? In her sleevey.

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The ‘Chard

February 28, 2011

Why do seagulls fly by the sea and not by the bay? Because if they flew by the bay, they’d be bagels.

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The ‘Chard

February 28, 2011

Where do cows go on dates? To the moooooooovies.

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The ‘Chard

February 28, 2011

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no hind legs? An utter drag.
In case you couldn’t tell, I ate a lot of Laffy Taffys as a chile (except banana flavored ones, which I hardly ever ate).

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Ashley B. Chandler

February 28, 2011

These first two were on my daughter’s popscicle stick the other day:
What did the mother clam call her children? shelfish (seems like we’re missing something there)
What did the grouper name his kid? Gill
What kind of movie does a pirate like? rated ARRR!

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kathy

February 28, 2011

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little BOOGIE in it!

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Caroline

February 28, 2011

Dear Henry,
When I was young my favourite jokes were about elephants so here are a few for you – hope you like them:
*What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
Time to fix the fence!
*What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera!
*Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chicken was having a day off!
*What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!
*Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up!
*Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chicken was having a day off!
*What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!
*What’s yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
An elephant disguised as a banana!

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Kathleen

February 28, 2011

My son wrote this one for a school assignment:
Why did the dog go to the doctor? He was told to heel.
Good luck!

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becca

February 28, 2011

*What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle’s back?
Wheeee!!!!!
*What did the monkey say when he fell out of the tree?
Ahhh!!!

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~j.

February 28, 2011

What did the zero say to the eight?
~ “Nice belt.”
What’s an owl’s favorite subject?
~ “Owl-gebra.”

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pjmesser

February 28, 2011

what time is it when you go to the dentist?
tooth hurty

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jennifer w.

February 28, 2011

Why was the drop of ink crying? Because his mom was in the pen and he didn’t know how long the sentence would be 😉

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Sarah Babbel

February 28, 2011

Go get the kid some laughy taffy’s!!! They still print jokes on those!

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Charisa

February 28, 2011

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? RRRRRR!
What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence? Time to get a new fence!
What does the cow do when it’s bored? Go to the moooovies!
Why does a cow moo? Because her horn is broken!
My son just celebrated his 100 days last month. So fun!

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Alexis Redmond

February 28, 2011

Here are a few. Good Luck Henry:
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!
What is “out of bounds”?
An exhausted kangaroo!
What followed the dinosaur?
It’s tail!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
I’ve got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
How did the telephones get married?
In a double ring ceremony!
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot!
Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!
Eat up your spinach, it’ll put color in your cheeks.
But I don’t want green cheeks!
“Quick, take the wheel”, said the nervous driver.
“Why?”
“Because there is a tree coming straight for us!”
Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying “no”?
No. Oh, so it’s you!
What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
Who was the world’s greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two’s company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
I was once in a play called “Breakfast in Bed”
Did you have a big role?
No just toast and marmalade!
What key went to college?
Yale!
What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!
Why was the broom late?
It over slept!
What runs but never walks?
Water!
What is green, four legs and two trunks?
Two seasick tourists!

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heather hales

February 28, 2011

from Bennett Cerf’s Book of Riddles (if Henry likes jokes, you might look for this Beginner Book while you are out and about, my kids love it!).
“Why did the little boy throw the clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly”
“What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker? My Pop is bigger than your pop.”
“What kind of dog has no tail? A hot dog!”

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Judi Music

February 28, 2011

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Oswald.
Oswald who?
Cough, Oswald my bubble gum!

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Jody

February 28, 2011

What color is a newspaper?
Black and white and red (read) all over!

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Diane Lord

February 28, 2011

Knock, Knock,
Who’s there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Why are you sneezing?

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Susan

February 28, 2011

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!

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dawnalee

February 28, 2011

What did one pumpkin say to another pumpkin?
If I were a leaf, I’d fall for you!
What did the oak leaf say to the aspen leaf?
You don’t have to change, I love you just the way you are.
What did the rain cloud say when the geese flew by and asked if it was staying for the winter?
I don’t snow!

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Lara

February 28, 2011

Two muffins were cooking in the oven. One turned to the other and said,
“Boy, it sure is hot in here.”
The other replied
“Ahhh! A talking muffin.”
What did Delaware? New Jersey.
What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas (saw…)
What did Idaho? I don’t know but Alaska

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jaredandjen@gmail.com

February 28, 2011

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.

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TammyS

February 28, 2011

Knock knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying, ya big baby?
Why wouldn’t the oyster give up his pearl? Because he was shellfish.
Good Luck!

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melanie

February 28, 2011

This is my favorite ever Laffy Taffy joke. I read it in 8th grade Spanish class during a party.
Why did the stoplight turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of an intersection.
haha!
Sorry, I don’t have any other good ones off hand. I hope get gets 100!

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sarah

February 28, 2011

How many letters in the alphabet?
22! L & M got kicked out for smoking along with 2 others who were unable to mind their P’s & Q’s!
And one to go with Mish’s above:
How do you catch a tame bird?
“Tame” way ~ “unique” up on it!

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melanie

February 28, 2011

Oh wait! All the classic Mary Poppins jokes from the laughing scene with Uncle Albert!
Bert: Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert: What’s the name of his other leg?
Bert: Speaking of sight, it reminds me of me brother. He’s got a nice cushy job in a watch factory.
Uncle Albert: In a watch factory? What does he do?
Bert: [laughs] He stands about all day and makes faces!
The other day, when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to buy some long underwear. The shopkeeper said to him, “How long you want it?” And my friend said, “Well, from about September to March.”
Bert: Righto. Well it’s about me granddad, see, and one night he had a nightmare. So bad, he chewed his pillow to bits. To bits. The next morning, I says, “How do you feel, Granddad?” He says, “Oh not bad, a little down in the mouth.” [laughs] I always say there’s nothing like a good joke.
Uncle Albert: And that was nothing like a good joke.

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Stacey S.

February 28, 2011

Q – How much do you charge a pirate to pierce his ears?
A – A buccaneer.

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jadell

February 28, 2011

when is a door not a door?
when it’s ajar.
HAHAHAHAHA!! 🙂 Good luck Henry!

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Cat

February 28, 2011

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens weren’t invented yet!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because dinosaurs were out of date!
Why did the man cross the road 1,058 times?
Because his braces were tied to a lamp-post!
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto!
What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily!
What do you call a boy with a spade in his head?
Doug!
I hope some of these help – best homework assignment ever Henry!

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Jenifer Higgins

February 28, 2011

This is my daughter’s favorite right now:
What goes Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, thud?
You laughing your head off.

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Erinn Smith

February 28, 2011

What do you call a fish with no eyes(i’s)?
Fsh…
Thats the best I got 🙂

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Pops

February 28, 2011

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of socks?
Arrrrgyle
Where do pirate’s shop?
Wall Marrrrrt.
What did the big toe say to the next toe over?
Nice toe know ya
What did the Easter Bunny say to Santa Clause
Nothing, the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist.
What did Darth Vader say to the cowboy?
May your horse be with you
What’s Chewbacca’s favorite part of the concert?
The Han Solo
Knock Knock
Who’s there
“______” (doorbell ditchers)
Yoda said to Luke “I have a bad feeling about this.”
Luke said, “Do you sense danger, Master?”
Yoda, “No, you’re standing on my foot. Ouch.”
What’s the Millenium Falcon’s little brother’s name?
The Century Sparrow
What did the mime say to Darth Vader?
Nothing, he’s a mime.
What did the mime say to Darth Vader?
Nothing, Darth had him in a Force choke hold.
What did the mime say to Darth Vader?
Nothing, Darth got bored and went to find the Rebel base.
What did Yoda say to the mime?
Why anyone still likes mimes, I don’t get.
What do you call it when your big toe explodes?
a Volcantoe
what do you call it when a deer’s head pops off?
A volcandoe
What do you call a volcano that won’t erupt?
A volcan-no
What do you call Bill’s cousin who climbs volcanoes?
Volcan-joe
What do you call it when King Kong climbed the cheddar empire state building
The leaning tower of cheesa

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Morgan

February 28, 2011

Slow day at work, Pops?

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Alta

February 28, 2011

Where does a hamburger dance?
At the meatball!
What is a caterpillar afraid of?
A dogapillar!

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kristen

February 28, 2011

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
-He had no guts_
Why did the doctor get mad-
-He had no patients (patience)-

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Nicola

February 28, 2011

What do fairies do after school ?
Gnome-work !!!!!

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Jean

February 28, 2011

Eva’s favorite jokes: Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing! Why did the turkey cross the road twice? Because he wanted to prove he wasn’t a chicken!

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Carina

February 28, 2011

What did the salad say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I’m dressing.

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Jean

February 28, 2011

Here’s one that Henry will like that Eva just made up: What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say at dinner? May the fork be with you!

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Carol

February 28, 2011

Q: When did Anakin’s Jedi teacher know he was going bad?
A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won’t fight?
A: A Sithy.
Q: Why does leia wear buns on her head?
A: In case she gets hungry.
Q: Why did Yoda cross the road?
A: Because the chickens FORCED him to.
Q: What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
A: The Outside

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Carol

February 28, 2011

Henry,
ST. Patrick’s Day is coming I thought you might like a couple of jokes to tell.
Q: What kind of music does a leprechaun band play?
A: Shamrock N’ Roll
Q: Why do leprechauns hide behind 4 leaf clovers and not three leaf clovers?
A: They need all the luck they can get.
Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Because they always wear green!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Irish
Irish Who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Happy cutting on your big project.

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Amanda

March 1, 2011

Joke for you:
What did the Rooster say to the Hen when he saw the scrambled eggs?
Those look like some messed up kids to me!

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Karolyn

March 1, 2011

I have a joke about a cookie.
Never mind. It’s too crummy.

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Abbey

March 1, 2011

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Why are you crying, it’s just a joke!
(This is my kids’ absolute favorite joke. Scratch that, only joke. Even the almost 2yo tells it.)

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Stephanie

March 2, 2011

What is black, white, and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.

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Shelley Laird

March 3, 2011

Why didn’t the teddy bear finish his breakfast?
Because he was stuffed.

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Lindsey

March 5, 2011

knock knock
Who’s there?
cargo
Cargo who?
car go beep beep
knock knock
Who’s there?
lettuce
Lettuce who?
Let us in

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